Just this last week I realized how many times I apologize to my friends. For having a messy house. For not having makeup on or my hair done in my off-time. For being dressed
like a bum in comfy clothes. For… who even knows what else. I’m done apologizing. And I think you should stop, too. I think you should stop apologized for who you are and who you’re not.
I stepped back and asked myself, “At what point in my life did I start holding myself to such an unrealistic expectation?” Maybe you are that mama who loves to have a spotless house. Or who loves cooking three course meals from scratch every night. Since when did we feel like we had to start pretending to be something we’re not? Like… Our houses are always spotless. Our meals are always gourmet and perfect. Our hair, makeup and outfit are always flawless. Maybe you’re one of those girls. But maybe you’re not. I’m not! And that’s okay. It’s more than okay. It’s who you are and that’s amazing.
Holding yourself to this high expectation puts so much extra stress in your life. And do you need more stress? I didn’t think so. Would constantly picking up and cleaning to keep a spotless house really make you feel less stressed? Maybe. But if you’re only doing it because you think everyone else is too, then maybe not.
Is there something out there that you know will make you feel less stressed? Ending your night with a glass of wine, reading a magazine or watching a TV show that’s not on Disney Jr? (Sounds like Heaven to me!) And if it’ll destress you, then I think it’s more important than keeping all of your laundry fluffed, folded and put away.
My time at home is limited. I don’t typically get home from work/daycare pickup until 5PM most nights. And if we run any errands, we aren’t home until 6PM. This means we have two hours to eat dinner, enjoy some playtime and then get my kiddo off to bed. Then I have another two hours before I tuck myself in to bed.
Sure. I could use this down time every night to clean the kitchen, or pick up all of Blaire’s toys, or catch up on laundry. But I can also use it to spend time on the couch with my husband. And that’s typically how I choose to spend it. If I’m not blogging, we’re typically catching up on the DVR, eating the candy/junk food we keep hidden from our toddler.
If my house looks tidy, it’s because
I moved the junk somewhere out of the camera’s eye I’m really trying. But if my house is tidy, it’s probably because Blaire took a good nap and I was so sick of the toys everywhere. Or I spend my night picking up, and now I don’t have my lunch packed for work tomorrow. I’d love to be someone who really cares about how tidy my house, but that’s not me. So when it does happen, it’s because I gave up something, somewhere.
If my friends are real friends, then they should know the real me. The me who would rather eat takeout than cook
any a huge, fancy dinner. The me who piles up clean laundry in laundry baskets because I hate folding it and putting it away. The me who has toys all over her living room because a toddler lives here. The me who cares more about a house that smells good than a house that’s neat and tidy. That’s me.
So let’s stop the mom shaming because the guilt is real. We’re constantly comparing ourselves to other mamas. The ones who seem to have it all together, at all times. But can anyone ever really have it all together all the time? (Without hired help?) It’s time we stop thriving for something we think might make us happy… and focus on the things that make us happy. And maybe cleaning makes you happy. But maybe spending your free time at the gym or on your couch — reading that magazine, makes you happy. Whatever your happy is, do it, because you deserve it.
Writing makes me happy. Sleeping makes me happy. Binge watching shows on the couch with my hubby makes me happy. Sharing my house with a toddler who is constantly “reading” books, playing with her babies and coloring makes me happy. Spending time playing with that little toddler instead of worrying about the messes she’s leaving behind makes me happy. I’m one happy mama & wife. I’m not sorry for spending my free time doing things that make me happy. I’m not sorry there are toys scattered everywhere in my living room. I’m not sorry I have clothes sitting in laundry baskets.
What makes you happy? What are you not sorry for? xo